All the Reasons Why
by music-kid3
Summary: NJBC Pre-series, with a primary focus on Serena. CB NS, w/CS & SB friendships. When something terrible causes one of their own to spiral downwards, they will have to ban together to fix it. Bad summary but the story is better. Please Read. Warning: Rape
1. Chapter 1

The loud music blasted from the stereo of the penthouse suite of some run of the mill upper east side teenager and the bass from the speakers left the apartment in a constant sea of vibrations. Chuck Bass observed the scene surrounding him. It was one they had become accustomed to in the past year and a half. Since the start of high school, he and his friends had been a topic of major discussion amongst everyone in their schools, Constance Billard and St. Jude's.

Blair Waldorf had basically taken over everyone in their grade and all of the freshmen; she even had some of the lesser juniors and seniors in the palm of her hand. Nate Archibald was making his way through school easily. Born from a regal French blood line; being a part of the van der Bilt dynasty, despite the differences in last name (his mother was a van der Bilt), definitely had its perks. He was also incredible at lacrosse and soccer, so aside from his stunning, intense blue eyes that often left girls in awe of him he had that whole sports guy thing going for him…it drove the girls wild. Chuck, himself, was, well he was Chuck _Bass,_ and on the Upper East Side, that meant a few things, those things being money, power, drugs, and girls, in whichever order or quantity that he desired.

Last in their entourage of four, was Serena van der Woodsen. She was tall with never ending legs, long, wavy blonde hair, and ocean blue eyes. Despite the fact that Chuck had known Serena most of his life, he had never attempted to hook up with her. Sure, in jest the suggestion had come up, and he truly doubted he would be able to resist if she threw herself at him, but he knew that though Lily van der Woodsen liked to keep her family's appearance pristine and perfect, they were anything but. Many had told him he was just upset because Serena refused to give him the time of day for anything more than friendship, so he tried to act like he didn't want her first and avoid the blow to his ego and reputation, but he knew that in all honesty, it wasn't just him that was unwanted romantically.

He didn't want Serena because he saw past the long legs and blue eyes and blonde hair, not deep enough to know what the root of all her issues were, but easily far enough to know he could describe the blonde's personality in three words: completely fucked up. Yeah, Serena van der Woodsen had problems, but her mother had taught her well, and she knew just which way to smile, which pitch to make her voice, and which laugh to use to change the subject and succeed in covering up any flaws that may have marred her impeccable image. After all, Serena had been wearing make-up long before any of the other girls in their grade and had always used it with much less effort.

Chuck was brought out of his marijuana induced haze by some girl trying to sit on his lap. He wasn't in the mood for a girl tonight though; he just wanted to smoke…a lot. He pushed the bad-dye fake blond out of his lap and realized he really needed to find a room to crash in, so as not to be disturbed by any more people. He maneuvered his way through the suite's hallways until he finally came to a door on the right side of the passageway. Perfect, he thought, with the door's location just the perfect distance from the party but close enough to not seem like a snooper if he was found hanging out in there. When he swung the door open, he was faced with a sight he had never thought he would witness; a sight he had never wanted to witness or to ever see again.

It was Serena, laying curled into the fetal position in the center of a bed. The comforter under her was a mess, and as she tightened her grip on herself she let out sporadic, laborious breaths. Chuck tip toed over to her, not sure exactly what he should do or what had happened. He didn't want to confirm his suspicions about the latter, though, and so with every step he took forward he was tempted to turn and run to the door, never looking back at the distraught figure of a gorgeous girl who he was not used to seeing like this, but he knew he couldn't. He knew that if something that terrible had happened, then he would have to be there for her as a friend, screw his social life or her mother's charity meetings, this was something that would require his complete attention and he was silently berating himself for smoking so much hash earlier in the night.

"Serena…" Chuck spoke hesitantly, unsure what to actually say to her. "Are, are you okay?" he forced the question out of himself for he knew he would get nowhere without the knowledge of what had truly happened that night.

"Chuck, get the hell out!" she yelled back at him strained, with tears in her voice, pulling her arms even closer to her chest and bringing her legs further up. Normally, a smarmy comment would have been on the tip of Chuck's tongue, along the lines of him joining her even though it was obvious that was the last thing she would actually want. Besides, there were more important things to speak about and he wouldn't let himself be distracted. It was only when he heard Serena whimper again that he looked down at her, about to try and move her arms from her face, when he noticed the marks on her arms that were in the process of turning dark shades of purple and green that he decided against it.

Observing the disheveled bed and the disheveled blond, Chuck put two and two together and his face turned to stone. "Serena, what happened in here?" his phrasing was a question, but it sounded more like a demand. She cried a little louder and attempted to roll away from him, but he held her where she was. That was a mistake. Serena tore away from him and darted to the other side of the bed, putting ample spacing between them. "Don't _touch _me, Chuck! God, just please, please don't touch me," she rambled on about it, her words getting more and more unintelligible with each moments passing. Chuck wasn't sure exactly what he should do, his suspicions had pretty much been confirmed, but he still needed for her to tell him before he could take any action.

"Serena" he said softly, moving slowly towards the side of the bed she was on, "just tell me what _happened_ and I swear I'll hurt whoever hurt you", he wouldn't tell her he would make everything better; he knew he couldn't, but he would get revenge for her, even if in the end it may be more for his peace of mind than hers. "Chuck you can't tell anyone. God, I mean he didn't mean to, and it was my fault, I wanted it at first, but then I thought about, about you and Blair and Eric and _Nate_ and I couldn't just do that. But you can't tell a guy to stop then, it's not even fair right? And I'm fine, like I'm really, really ok – "Chuck cut her off. He had inched closer and closer and at this point he couldn't listen to her blame herself for this, he wouldn't allow it. "It is not your fault, ever. Nothing is your fault, Serena, okay?" he asked, with a plea in his voice and cupping her face in his hands. She moved out of his grasp then, and towards the door, but as she reached for the knob she turned to look at him "Let's be honest Chuck, isn't everything?" her tone was empty and her smile was wan before she turned around and left the room. Chuck was going to kill whoever this guy was, if it was the last thing he did, because no one should be able to darken Serena van der Woodsen.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi! Thanks to anyone who put me on alert, this is my first chapter fic so I really appreciate it :). Please review with any advice or constructive criticism…it'll help me write better! Also, sorry if my Blair is bad, I have major difficulties writing her and getting her voice to be the way it should be. Anyways, Enjoy and thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters.**

The next morning, Serena woke feeling worse (if that was possible) than she had the night before. She laid in bed for almost two hours than she normally would have, the covers pulled up over her head in a hopeless attempt to keep the rest of the world at bay. Unfortunately, her universe of solace was destroyed when her mother came in with the purpose of saying good bye (she was going on an indefinite trip with this month's boyfriend) and subtly reminded her that it was improper for a lady to sleep in so late. With those parting words, her mother was out of her room and into a limo. Serena got up and looked in the mirror. Aside from the bruises that lined her hips and circled her wrists, she didn't look different. She was still blond, her eyes were still blue, and she had the same figure she had had before the incident. On the outside, everything was fine, but on the inside she was filled with turmoil and hate.

She felt dirty, bare. Like her entire being was on display for everyone to see. The night before she had been the excitement and allure of a new store opening on Fifth Avenue, but now she was like a thrift store – sure the clothes still looked the same, but they had memories tied in to them, faded stains that would never come out, and most of all, their value had plummeted.

Serena shook her head, trying desperately to rid her mind of that thought. She was exactly as she always had been, and she could still be as perfect as she used to be, it would just take effort. She put on a long-sleeved dress, collected her purse, grabbed a pair of sandals, despite it being the middle of January, and left her complex. She walked down the streets with purpose; she had to see Blair. She needed to be reminded of the person everyone still thought of her as, to feel normal again. She rode the elevator up to the Waldorf penthouse and walked through the foyer and up the stairs after quickly saying hello to Dorota.

When she approached Blair's room, the door was slightly cracked and she heard two voices coming from inside it; one being Blair's, and the other being male. Through the door she heard a part of their conversation. "It's about Serena", "What about her, Chuck?"

"Care to tell me why you chose to visit me at this ungodly hour, Bass?" Blair smirked at him with her arms crossed, waiting for an answer. He scoffed, "It's nearly noon, Blair, and this meeting is strictly business", he couldn't let himself be distracted by whatever he and Blair were. He wasn't sure how to handle this Serena situation, but he did know that he couldn't just put it out of his mind like it never happened. "But you like mixing business, and pleasure. Don't you Chuck?" she purred into his ear, leaning in for a kiss. Chuck turned away, determined to make Blair take him seriously, no matter how hard it was to resist her seductions. "Blair, this is serious. It's about Serena". Blair's eyes shot to Chuck's, finally noticing the unbalance in them. "What about her, Chuck?"

"Yeah. What about me, Chuck?" Serena said, trying to sound airy but failing miserably, and made her presence known, she bore holes into Chuck's head. She couldn't let him tell anyone about what he had witnessed the night before; she would never be able to recover from that. "Serena! What are you doing here? I guess everyone on the Upper East Side needs some Blair Waldorf in their life, but really, who could blame you?" Blair said, feeling powerful that even though she was the good girl of the group, people always came to her, and never the other way around. What she didn't notice, however, were the scathing looks passing from Serena to Chuck.

"Serena" Chuck said softly, looking deep into her eyes, praying to find a hint of _something_. "How are you today?" Serena had to suppress the tears from coming out of her eyes at his voices utter sincerity. She would've broken down then and there, in a room of people who prided themselves on not judging, but when she looked into his eyes she saw the one thing she didn't want from anyone: pity. She wasn't some poor, unfortunate girl who this happened to. It happened for a reason. People were drawn to her, but she destroyed things and she knew it. She spotted her mother's reputation with the rumors that flew around about her. "She's just like her mother" they would say, floating from guy to guy until boredom became her. The worst part was that until the night before, these rumors had been completely inaccurate. She hadn't had sex with guys, made out with them sometimes, but never that far until…She brought herself back to reality and noticed Blair looking at Chuck strangely and Chuck looking imploringly at her. "I'm fine Chuck" she said with an uneasy smile, "why wouldn't I be?" and with those words, she turned to start a conversation with Blair about how she could really use a movie day.

An Audrey Hepburn movie later and Blair had stepped out of the room, leaving Chuck and Serena alone for the first time. "Serena, who did it? That's all I need to know and I will ruin them before they even have a chance to rea-"

"Just stop it, Chuck! Stop acting like you know exactly what happened when you weren't there! You don't know anything so just leave it alone" Serena yelled at him, her words venomous but her eyes holding a much sadder tone.

"Serena I know that whatever anyone did to you last night was wrong and sick and I'll fix it! I swear I'll fix it, just let me" he finished off quietly.

"You can't, so just, leave it alone, please". She was begging him now to drop it, to let her go on living in her fantasy world where nothing had changed, but they both knew the truth, even if only Chuck was willing to accept it: everything had changed.

Serena was getting up, ready to excuse herself to Blair, when she heard Chuck call to her, "If you don't let me help, they'll wonder what's wrong, and I'll have to tell them. I'll have to tell Lily" he said carefully, hoping this would be enough to sway her in the right direction. She looked over her shoulder towards him, blue eyes filled with fire, before speaking with a frightening calm to her voice: "I'll deny it Chuck. For everything I'm worth I'll deny it and you'll just be the guy who went around joking about things that didn't happen". He opened his mouth to respond, but she wasn't finished, "and I will never speak to you again. You'll have vanished from my life just like my mother does on a bimonthly basis, so don't speak of things you know nothing of" and with those words, she was opening the door. "What about Nate? He'll believe me, and you won't lie to him" Chuck said, he just needed to find a way to make her know that people were there for her, could help. "I would lie to him before I hurt him that way" Serena responded with seriousness, and then exited the room.

She brushed past Blair who was reentering the room with a quick "I have to go" and was out of the apartment in record time. Blair turned to Chuck, a baffled expression on her face, "what the hell happened while I was gone?" Chuck shook his head and answered semi-truthfully, "We just, came to an understanding".


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: First off, thanks to BikerChick101 for her review! It's so nice to know that someone is reading. That being said, if you are interested in this story, please leave a review to let me know. This chapter should bring us further along into the plot. Also, updates will usually on be 1000 to 1500 words so that I can update every day or every other day. If you would rather have long updates more spaced out, then let me know. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to, or characters of Gossip Girl. **

"Chuck, what's going on with you and Serena?" Blair asked, still unable to get over how quickly Serena had left earlier in the afternoon. Ever since her departure, Chuck had been more caught up in his thoughts than usual, and she really didn't like not knowing things. "Nothing is going on that Serena and I can't handle Blair, it will be taken care of as soon as I find a solution". She didn't like the sound of that; his response was so ominous that it didn't help her decipher the situation any better, instead only making her more curious to figure everything out. She marked this topic in her mind, making a mental reminder to speak with Serena about it soon.

Serena had wandered around Manhattan aimlessly for the last hour or so, not sure exactly what to do or where to go. She had first visited a Starbucks, and then proceeded to flitter in and out of stores and boutiques. Not noticing where, and towards whom she was walking, Serena bumped into the absolute last person she wanted to see. "Serena, back for more so soon?" she looked up with terror in her eyes and saw the green ones of Andrew Harrington that had haunted her for the past seventeen hours filled with evil amusement. She moved to turn around, but he caught hold of her arm and pulled her in close, and put his lips to her ear, "it's understandable, really. I mean, it was so good yesterday night" he finished off his statement by sliding his hand down her hip and placing a feather light kiss her cheek, "why wouldn't you want it again and again and again". Serena pushed at his chest and when he finally released her from his hold, she slapped him across the face, bringing the attention of passersby to them. She looked at him and mustered up all the courage she didn't feel before speaking, "you will _never_ touch me again or you will regret it you fucking bastard!" and with those words, she began crossing the busy city streets, ignoring the horns blaring at her, but before she made it very far she heard Andrew mutter one last thing: "we'll see who has what to regret, slut". She froze for just a second and looked at him again – he had a proud smirk on his face – and then she kept on her way, only wanting to find solace in her own bed.

Nathaniel Archibald was feeling oddly out of the loop these last few days. Obviously he had been invited to party with Chuck and Serena the night before, but as per usual, he and Blair declined. He had been training for lacrosse season so much lately that he hadn't even had a real conversation with any of his close friends in a while. He had thought of calling Chuck and seeing if he wanted to smoke with him, but he decided against it, knowing he would probably be with Blair…he really wanted to know what was going on between those two, but he never asked. It was because they themselves probably didn't know exactly what was going on, so he assumed they really wouldn't be able to explain it to him. That was what led him to Serena's door. They had always been very close out of the group, but lately he couldn't stand being with Serena and not being _with_ her, especially when she normally had some random guy attached to her hip.

Nate shook the thought away, though, as he rode up the elevator to the van der Woodsen penthouse. When he walked through the foyer, he saw Eric sitting on the couch in front of his laptop. "Hey Eric, is Serena home?" he asked while walking over towards him. The younger van der Woodsen barely looked up from his computer screen as he responded, "Yeah, but she's been in her room most of the day. Mom had to drag her out this morning before she left for her trip with…someone…" he trailed off with too much bitterness lacing the end of his sentence to be thirteen years old, in Nate's opinion. "Is she sick?" Nate asked with panic in his voice; he knew how bad it was when Serena caught a cold, it took her weeks to get over it. "I don't think so. When she came home earlier she just looked…sad. It was really weird, actually, because it's, well it's Serena, and she's never sad" Eric finished off. Nate's concern only grew with Eric's words because he was right – Serena was always happy and bubbly and just, _light_. "Thanks, Eric. I'll see you later man" Nate said before turning towards the stairs and heading for Serena's room.

When he reached her door he knocked softly on it, but didn't get a response. He knocked again and when he was still met with silence, he thought she may be asleep (there was no telling how late she had been out the night before) until he heard a slight whimper come from inside the room. That was all the initiative he needed to barge into the room, but when he was in he didn't like what he saw. Serena was there, but she was crying on her bed, using her pillow to muffle the sound.

"Serena, what's wrong?" he said softly, moving towards her bed. When she heard Nate's voice, she was suddenly glad that she had chosen to put a long sleeved t-shirt on to cover her bruises when she returned home; the last thing she needed was another person being suspicious of what had happened. She sat up, and upon looking into Nate's blue eyes, she instantly felt better. He was looking at her with concern, similar to the way Chuck had, but this was different. He wasn't concerned because he knew what had happened, he was worried simply because he cared for _her_. She wiped at her eyes and smiled at him, "I'm fine now, Natie". He gave her a disapproving look, the one he always gave when she wasn't being honest with him, "No you're not, S. You're crying. What happened?" he asked, a hint of pleading in his question. She really, really loved Nate sometimes. She threw her pillow at him and he dodged it, "maybe I just missed you. It's been days since I've seen you. Where have you been?" she asked, and he knew she just wanted to change the subject, but he had never been able to deny her, wouldn't start now. He then proceeded to climb into the bed with her and started on the story of how completely _uncool_ the varsity lacrosse coach at St. Jude's was.

It had been hours since Nate had come to the van der Woodsen apartment, and they were still lying in Serena's bed, now with empty ice cream bowls beside them, talking and joking about inane things. Serena loved how easy it was to be with Nate, and she knew now that she should've gone to him this morning before trying to push it all away. She also knew that she didn't want to lie to him about anything, especially what had happened. She knew with him around it would make it all hurt a little less. With the intent to tell him everything about the night before, she turned to him with a serious expression. "I kind of want to tell you what was wrong now". Nate's ears perked up at her voice sounding so young, and he looked into her eyes, searching for a clue as to what was going to come. "It's because of something that happened last night, at that party. It started with just danci – ", but before she could go any further she was cut off by the ringtones and vibrations of both of their phones.

**Well, well, well. We all knew our favorite blonde was a little on the wild side, but who knew she was so dirty? Though I'm not usually one to buy into rumors, these details were too good to ignore. Turns out our very own **_**S**_** partied with the big boys last night…and taught them a few tricks. Also, congrats to A.H. for finally popping our girl's cherry, I sure didn't think he had it in him. How's it feel to be all grown up **_**S**_**? And how does **_**N**_** feel about this, seeing as **_**S**_** grew up without him. I bet he didn't see that one coming, or **_**S **_**for that matter. Hope you used protection **_**S**_**…you may not be a baby anymore, but that doesn't mean you're ready for one.**

**You know you love me,**

**XOXO**

**Gossip Girl**

Serena dropped her phone, she couldn't believe what she had just read, what the entire Upper East Side had just read, but even worse, was the look on Nate's face as she turned in his direction.

**A/N: I hope you liked it! Please review with your thoughts; I'd love to know what everyone thinks. Until next time…**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thanks to everyone who put this story on alert and special thanks to Erin, Jess, and BikerChick101 for reviewing the last chapter. I really appreciate all your comments. This chapter continues with the drama and angst, so please bear with Nate, in this story he and Serena have never been together, so he's been silently pining for her and they still had that flirty, playful relationship, so the blast from last chapter is a huge shock to him. It'll probably get worse before it gets better, but it will get better, I promise! Read and enjoy, and comment if you feel the inclination lol. They really do inspire me to write faster. **_

**Well, well, well. We all knew our favorite blonde was a little on the wild side, but who knew she was so dirty? Though I'm not usually one to buy into rumors, these details were too good to ignore. Turns out our very own **_**S**_** partied with the big boys last night…and taught them a few tricks. Also, congrats to A.H. for finally popping our girl's cherry, I sure didn't think he had it in him. How's it feel to be all grown up **_**S**_**? And how does **_**N**_** feel about this, seeing as **_**S**_** grew up without him. I bet he didn't see that one coming, or **_**S **_**for that matter. Hope you used protection **_**S**_**…you may not be a baby anymore, but that doesn't mean you're ready for one.**

**You know you love me,**

**XOXO**

**Gossip Girl**

Serena dropped her phone, she couldn't believe what she had just read, what the entire Upper East Side had just read, but even worse, was the look on Nate's face as she turned in his direction. His face was covered with confusion, but more so than that, pain and disappointment. She couldn't take him looking at her like that; the way her mother did when she showed up late for society events, the way Blair did when she didn't turn in a project or failed a French test, the way Chuck did when she was blubbering and drunk some nights. Nate had never looked at her with that disdain and contempt, even if it was just a flash across their face, until now.

"Nate, you have to let me explain…it's not the way it seems, the way she made it sound…" Serena said, hoping with everything she had that he would believe her. Nate took a deep breath before responding, "Is there any truth to it?" he just needed her to say no. if she said nothing happened, if she didn't say anything at all and just shook her head, then he would believe her, he would always believe her. "Something happened last night, it's what I was trying to tell you, but it wasn't supposed to! It was never supposed to happen" Serena answered, moving closer to him, her voice begging him to understand, but he couldn't. Nate pulled his hand from her grasp, "You didn't _mean_ for it to happen? How else do you just lose your _virginity_ to someone? Did you just fall into his bed, Serena? God, I heard the rumors and I even saw some of it for myself, but I didn't realize you had turned into a full blown slut!" he yelled, and with his final word Serena reared back, no longer wanting to be near him.

"Is that what you think, really?" she asked him, vulnerability lacing her words. Nate ran his hands through his hair in one frustrated movement, "I don't know what to think. Tell me what I'm supposed to think about something like this, Serena? It was supposed to be us, to be _me_" he finished off quietly. "It is you Nate! It's always you, you _know _that" she was pleading with him now. She just needed to tell him everything, so he could make it better, but he wouldn't even give her the chance to explain. Nate scoffed at her, refusing to look into her eyes for fear of giving in to her. "Yeah, it's always me, except when it's not, Serena! Except when it's every other fucking guy in New York City! I don't know when you started acting like such a whore, but the least you could have done was let me in on it so I'd stop wasting my time. I mean what did you think? You could just fuck that jackass Andrew and then use me to talk, were you going to talk to me about _him, _about _that_? Did you want me to tell you it was okay, clear your conscience about having slept with someone else?" he was fuming now. He just couldn't understand why she would do _this_. She should have known they couldn't come back from it, how much it would hurt him.

"Fuck you, Nate!" Serena yelled, tears streaming down her face. If that was what he thought, then she had been wrong all along about how she should tell him. Her first thought had been right, if Nate knew he would never look at her the same way; he wasn't looking at her the same way, she was just damaged goods now. "Oh, let's be honest, Serena. You've made it clear that's not going to happen between us, you must have me confused with Andrew seeing as you run away if I even try to _kiss _you!" Nate fired back. He couldn't believe she was mad at him. He was being honest, he wasn't always in the right, but this time he was. She hurt _him_, and Nate refused to feel bad about returning a fraction of that pain to her.

They stared at each other for a while, both their eyes full of hurt and anger, until Serena moved to the door. "Screw you, Nate" and then she was gone. Nate wasn't surprised, she always left him, whether he was about to tell her his feelings, or just found something better to do. He grabbed one of her pillows and beamed it across the room, before storming out as well. Eric watched as first Serena passed him, fuming, and then Nate. "Just a regular night living on the Upper East Side" he said to the empty apartment.

Serena found herself in a bar. It wasn't the type of place she would usually go to, but she couldn't go to Butter and face the people she knew would have seen the blast, or worse, Andrew. She was on her sixth shot; bartenders never asked the beautiful blond to see her ID, simply gave her what she wanted. She had been thinking about Nate's reaction. He hadn't even doubted that she would just sleep with someone like that. Didn't he know her better? Sure, they weren't dating and had never even had anything more than friendship and flirtation between them, but didn't he know that she was _his_? The truth was she just didn't want to ruin them. Any time she got too close to someone or something it was shot to hell. She was a people repellant. Her own father didn't even call her, hell he wouldn't even _take her_ calls. And her mom, when was the last time she stuck around for more than a few weeks at a time, and that was only because she had to be around for sake of her _s_ocial life, it had nothing to do with the fact that she had two kids under the age of sixteen. She swallowed her drink and motioned for another; if everyone expected the worst from her, then she wouldn't even try anymore. When she did try to do the right thing, tried to be honest, she just ended up in the same place, but with a broken heart.

Nate found himself at the Palace Hotel. He had to speak with Chuck, and since it was so late, he was really glad that Bart had given him his own suite. He used the room key Chuck had given him to let himself in, and went in search of Chuck. He saw him on the balcony, so he went out to join him.

"Nathaniel. I suppose you're here because you saw that crap that Gossip Girl posted." Chuck spoke without even turning to look at him. Honestly, he was somewhat happy that the blast had been sent, he was really worried for Serena, but at least now he knew who he needed to destroy. Andrew Harrington screwed himself by sending that information to Gossip Girl, and Chuck was going to make sure he paid for what he had done. "Chuck, it's not crap. I was with Serena when she sent it, it's true. She told me" Nate said, rubbing hand down his face; it had been _such _a long night. Chuck looked up finally when Nate told him that. He highly doubted that Serena had actually told him it was true, "she told you that she had sex with him, in those words?" he asked skeptically. Nate shrugged his shoulders, "she didn't deny it".

Chuck didn't like the anger in Nate's voice because he didn't know what was going on, and it wasn't Chuck's place to tell him, but he wanted to make sure he hadn't done or said anything that would further unbalance Serena. "What was your response to her…un-denial?" he asked, carefully wording his question. "I was angry! She knows that I am _in love _with her and she just slept with some random guy! She doesn't care about me so why should I care about her anymore? All she wants to do is slut arou – "Chuck cut him off though, "she is not a slut, and I wouldn't speak of things I know not of, if I was you, Nathaniel" he repeated Serena's earlier words to him. "So she's not a slut. But I'm not her lag boy. I am so sick of being her _friend._ Can you believe she was actually going to tell me about it?" Chuck's eyebrows rose at this statement and Nate caught it, "yeah, I know. She was in the process of breaking my heart before Gossip Girl beat her to it". That totally wasn't what Chuck expected, he knew that if she was telling Nate anything about the night before when the blast was sent, that it would've been the whole truth. She was going to tell Nate the entire story of what actually happened but his jumping to conclusions and pig headedness got in the way. He knew that couldn't have done anything well for her state of mind.

"You're being a dick, Nathaniel. So you should get your head out of your ass and listen to he– "he was cut off by his phone vibrating, signaling a new text. It was from Serena, apparently she was in trouble. "And I have just received an S.O.S. from Serena with an address to a bar. Normally I'd ask you to come along, but due to recent events, I don't think your presence would be appreciated. Show yourself out" and with those words, he left, leaving a bewildered Nate behind.

When Chuck got to the bar, he paid Serena's tab and collected her unbalanced body, leading her on to the streets. "Are you going for a repeat of last night, are you trying to ruin yourself in a low class place like this? What is wrong with you, Serena?" Chuck asked, hoping she was sober enough to give him a coherent response as he put her into the Bass limo. When he opened his door and slid in, he looked into her eyes, and though they were glassy with intoxication, her words were said with more honesty than most he had heard from her before, "Everything and nothing, Chuck…but mostly just everything".

**A/N: I hope everyone liked it! I have to be honest, I didn't know where I was going with this chapter, but this seemed like a good place to stop. Let me know what you think please, I love to hear your opinions. I'll try to update soon. Until next time…**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A/N: Hi all! Thanks to everyone for your reviews or story alerts. This is my first chapter fic, so I am completely stoked that people are enjoying it. This chapter will see them back at school since I realized the last three chapters have all taken place over the course of one day lol. Anywho, please enjoy this next chapter and leave any comments you have because I love to read them .

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to, or the characters of, the Gossip Girl series. **

It was Monday morning, and Serena was not looking forward to her day in the least. Not only would she have to face the rumors of what people thought had happened, but she would have to see Blair and Nate. Blair had called her phone numerous times since the blast was sent out Saturday night, but Serena couldn't find it in herself to answer the calls. She couldn't take hearing Blair's disapproving tone admonishing her like a four year old who had been caught running through the house, especially when she was hung over from the night before. She was sick of being told what was and wasn't appropriate, and after Nate's reaction, she didn't want to hear anyone else tell her how selfish and ill-thought her supposed actions had been.

Nate. He was a completely different story. After Saturday night, he had not come over, called, chatted, texted, or even e-mailed her. She knew that as soon as she stepped foot on to the Constance campus, all eyes would be on her, except his. At first she had really wished he would just give her the chance to explain things, but as more hours passed on Sunday, she became progressively angrier. He had no real claim to her except friendship (maybe, still?), and they were not in a romantic relationship at _all _(not officially)_. _He didn't get to judge anything she did or didn't do, and the fact that he thought she had betrayed him in some type of ill-conceived way, well Serena didn't like it. She didn't like that he, as a friend, refused to listen to anything she had to say, and she didn't like that he would believe _anything _Gossip Girl had to say over her explanation. So yeah, facing Nate would be hard, because even though he claimed to be the heart-broken one, it chipped at her own as well(because let's face it, she knew even though she technically did nothing wrong, it was always her and Nate)to finally realize how little faith anyone (he) had in her.

Rounding the corner to the courtyard, Serena's breath left her lungs. She had expected a lot; whispers, stares, possibly name calling, but the one thing she had not thought of was Andrew _fucking_ Harrington to be holding court and relaying _details_ of what had "happened" between them. He made it sound like she was some porn star! The other things she hadn't expected were Blair and Nate to be standing there listening to his words like they were absolute truth. Blair's eyes were wide, like she was made a part of this entire scandal by simply hearing the sordid account, and Nate, well he looked like had he not been rooted to his spot in disbelief, he would most definitely have been on his way to buy a gun and shoot Andrew with it repeatedly. Nate then turned to look in her direction. Scratch shooting Andrew, the gun was obviously to be purchased for use on her.

He looked disgusted, ashamed to know he had ever wanted her, and in return, she felt the same way about herself. When Blair noticed Nate's attention shift, she looked in the direction he was and spotted Serena as well. Her lips pursed and she scrunched her nose the slightest bit before shaking her head. Eventually, the girl with the sunny blonde hair wished she had been born without it, for she caught Andrew's attention next.

"Well there she is everyone" he said with a sadistic smile on his face, "look at the innocence, I sure know it's an act, but guys, feel free to test it yourself, she's more than willing" he finished off laughing and winked at her when saying his last word. Nate shoved his way out of the crowd with Blair close behind him. He walked past Serena and when she tried to take hold of his arm, he turned to her with utter repulsion for her, and kept moving. "Nate!" she called out, but Blair stopped her before she could continue. "He just needs some time, Serena. Give it to him" her voice quiet but commanding. "And what about you, Blair, do you need time, too?" she asked, sounding small. Blair downcast her eyes, "I heard what he said too, S. And I just, can't get my head around it. That's not _you_, and I know that, but…" Blair trailed off. "If you know it, then help me make him know it, B! Tell me what the problem is!" Serena couldn't believe that Blair didn't truly believe her either. "It's never been about what I know, Serena. It's about what people _think_, and right now, they think _you _have done all those things he's been saying to everyone the entire morning". "You keep talking about what you know and what Nate believes and what other people think, but what do you think, Blair? You think I did that stuff?" it hurt to know that Blair could think so little of her, her best friend since kindergarten. Blair took a deep breath, and lowered her voice, noticing the crowd that was beginning to listen in on their conversation. "I think, Serena, that the things he knows about your body, things I've only seen when your bathing suit top fell, I think the detail in his story, is convincing, but I think the fact that you are _walking_ the way you are is more than enough evidence of what actually happened" and with those words, Blair walked away too, in the direction Nate had gone earlier.

Serena couldn't believe it. Her life was falling apart at the seams because of something that didn't even happen. So much for the non-judging breakfast club, because from what she could tell, this brunch was set only for two. It was odd knowing that over the course of three days, the one guy she had always been somewhat embarrassed to claim as a good friend had turned out to be her only one. _Speak of the devil_, Serena thought. She saw Chuck now, coming off of his spot where he had been leaning against the wall, and in her direction.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the commotion and into an empty hallway, looking into her watering eyes before speaking, "Let's go". Serena choked on a sob, "go _where_, Chuck? Everyone in this school thinks I'm a whore and the people who should believe me have both disconnected themselves from me over the course of five minutes! Classes haven't even started yet and I am completely _alone"_ she wiped away at the tears that had released themselves from her eyes before wrapping her arms around herself. "You're not alone, Serena. I'm here. Didn't I tell you I would fix this?" she nodded, "and when have I ever not done what I swore I would do. Never, is when. Okay except that one time when I swore I wouldn't drop you into that pool, but it was just so tempting that I couldn't resist" he smirked, and earned a small smile from the blond; that was all he needed to know she could be okay. "Now, can you go to classes without me, or will I need a wig and skirt?" She laughed at the mental image before shaking her head no. "Alright, well then I'm gone, because I really only show up to this wretched place so Bart _thinks _I'm doing what I should be. Bye, S" and with those words, Chuck started walking down the hallway back towards the door. "Hey Chuck," Serena said sniffling a little, "you're kind of awesome recently" she said with a smile in her voice. "Serena, I'm Chuck _Bass, _when was I not?" he answered and then subsequently heard her laughing loudly at his response, and then exited the building.

Serena walked down the corridor to her locker and pulled out the books she would need for her first period. She wanted to get there early so she wouldn't have to see people looking at her when she came through the door. In groups of two or three, girls started filing into the classroom, and she could feel their gazes burning into the back of her head. This was a class she had with Blair, but she had opted out of sitting in her usual seat, which was next to Blair's in the center of the room, trading it instead for a corner seat in the front row. She could tell when Blair had entered the room, despite her not being able to see her, because the whispers grew louder and the tension in the room was palpable; it seemed everyone was waiting to see whether their Queen would stand by her best friend or dismiss her. The latter happened after a moment of indecisiveness, and that gave the masses all the go ahead they needed to torment Serena, because at Constance, you followed your Queen's lead.

As their teacher called Serena's name for attendance, she raised her hand quietly, but heard someone mutter behind her, "I'm surprised she's even here, I mean, with all that sex to attend to and all" the people behind her laughed, but she stayed still. "I heard she's a total freak. Like, Andrew told me she _bit _him. He even showed me the mark" Serena cringed at the girl's words because she had bit Andrew in an attempt to make him loosen his hold, but it hadn't worked. She continued to try and ignore what the girls were saying but it was becoming progressively harder. It wasn't until the teacher stepped out of the room that she heard Penelope utter a statement, loud enough for everyone to easily hear: "Good thing Constance makes us wear skirts, it's easier access, huh Serena? Wouldn't want to inconvenience your midday plans" at this Serena picked up her books and turned around. "What the hell is your problem?" she yelled with fire in her eyes. Penelope smirked, feeling powerful and supported, "Oh, nothing, S. I was just thinking, though, that Andrew might have one. I mean, God knows who else you've slept with, wouldn't want him to have contracted any diseases" she finished with an evil glint in her eye. "Fuck you!" she yelled grabbing her bag and walking down the aisle and towards the exit, "I think you do enough fucking for all of us, S, or should I say, skank?" by now, Serena was at the door and had tears streaming down her face, and turned to look at Blair begging with her blues for her to say something, but Blair just diverted her eyes.

Serena left slamming the door and brushing past their professor, but as everyone laughed, Blair spoke, "Penelope, you have somewhere to be at lunch today, don't you?" Penelope looked at her confused, "no, of course not." "Well, you should find a place, because you won't be with us" Blair finished off, ice in her tone as the room became deadly silent at the implication of her words. She felt terrible that she hadn't stood up for Serena sooner, but she would now. As Penelope sat there, looking like a fish out of water, she sent a text message to the one person who seemed to have an awful lot to say to Serena lately, the only person who was at the party where all of this happened, and the only one of their group of friends who didn't believe anything having to do with this rumor.

_Chuck, meet me at the Palace at 3. We need to talk – B._

_Is talking really all you want to do? I'll see you then – C._

With that set in place, she now only hoped Serena would be okay until she could help…

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. It was kind of tough to start, but flowed once it began. Leave reviews and tell me what you think, or what you would like to see happen because each chapter is written on the spot, so most details of this story aren't set yet. If anyone has an idea that will fit into the plan I have, I'd definitely try to work it in. I hope you enjoyed! Until next time…**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry this chapter was so much later than I intended, school's been kicking my ass since it's the last week of the quarter. Anyway, to make up for it, it is the longest one I've written. Flashbacks are italicized. So there are two ways this story can go which is partly why it took me longer to update. It can either go the short and sweet way, or we can drag out the angst. Now it may end up that short and sweet still isn't all that short or sweet, lol, but I'd like to leave it up to you guys to decide. Thanks so much for the support you guys have given this story, and I hope you all continue to review and alert because it really does make me want to write more, and better, for you all. Enjoy **

Blair was waiting for Chuck at The Palace. She had arrived early, coming straight from school, and had spent her time pondering on what it could have truly been that happened. She couldn't really come to any good conclusions, because it wasn't like Serena was denying she had lost her virginity, but she could tell that there was more to the story. The only thing that, at this point, she had been able to put together for herself was that whatever was going on, Chuck definitely knew, and he was purposely keeping it from everyone else.

She saw Chuck stroll in, purple bowtie and all, and she had to roll her eyes. It wasn't so much the fact that he wore purple like it was the new black, but the fact that he could make it look so _good_, but now wasn't the time; Blair had to focus. "Bass" she said, his name spilling from her lips. He leaned down to hug her, pressing a quick kiss to her neck, and she admonished him. "Not here, Chuck, we're in public" she said quietly with a forged smile strewn across her face. "'Just saying hello, Waldorf. It's not my fault if you get all hot and bothered with me just being in the vicinity" Chuck finished off with a smirk, loving how easily he could get to her. Blair rolled her eyes and motioned for him to sit down.

"I want to know about Serena" Blair said sternly, getting straight to the point of this meeting. Chuck wasn't expecting this gathering to go in this direction, and honestly, it wasn't a direction he wanted to go. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, Blair" he said, all of the previous playfulness in his voice gone. "Yes, you do. Why is she acting the way she is?" she asked again, his change of demeanor giving her all the insight she needed to know for sure that Chuck did indeed know something more about this Andrew fiasco. "Blair, it's none of your business, and it's none of mine. So drop it" he said, hoping she would let the discussion die there. She didn't. This was Blair Waldorf after all, and was nothing if not stubborn. "Tell me, Chuck. If Serena is in trouble then I want to know what it's about".

"I'm not going to tell you anything Blair, because Serena needs someone to trust right now, and she's chosen me. I won't betray that" he finished. He couldn't let Serena down; he wouldn't spread her secret all over Manhattan. "But Chuck, I am her best friend, I deserve to know this too!" she said petulantly, sounding similar to a child who was refused a toy in a store. "Everything isn't about you, Blair! Some things are, but this isn't. If Serena wanted you to know she would have told you. And maybe you did deserve to know, but the entire school saw how you treated Serena this morning, so even if she would've told you before, I doubt she will now" he finished off, his anger rising as he thought about her poor treatment of Serena earlier in the day. "What could have possibly happened over the course of three days that has changed everything? Explain that to me, Chuck" she asked. The table was quiet for a moment, and Chuck took a sip of the scotch he had ordered when they first sat down. He looked pensive, before finally telling Blair to follow him up to his suite.

It was nearing ten o'clock at night and Serena van der Woodsen found herself in a bar, alone, aside from the older men who had been there just as long as she had. Even though she had been there since finding the small pub around six thirty, she wasn't all that drunk. She had had about two and a half shots, but all in all, she couldn't bring herself to really drink too much; she remembered what happened the last time.

_She had had six shots already, but couldn't find it in herself to care enough not to take another one. Earlier in the day, her mother had announced her impending departure with her current boyfriend. Her announcement was followed up by the fact that she would be gone for an undecided amount of time, 'a while', she had said. After that bomb, the letters that she had sent to the address she hoped to be her father's were all back returned to the van der Woodsen apartment. She was dancing on a table, arms swaying above her hand and hips moving to the music. She didn't care what she looked like, she just wanted to let loose, be free from the drama and issues of her life, and partying was her favorite escape. She continued to move, and looked up across the room, meeting the pair of eyes that had been on her for the entire night. Andrew Harrington, she thought to herself. He was just bad enough to not be someone her mother would approve of, for his family was always involved in the latest scandal, but just good enough for her to not have to worry about being arrested. He was perfect for that night's entertainment. With that final thought, she stepped down from the table with the help of two of Nate's lacrosse teammates and headed in Andrew's direction._

Serena shuddered at the memory. Yeah, she definitely would not be getting hammered. The only thing she knew for sure was that the next time anything remotely relating to what had happened with Andrew occurred, she would be completely sober. Well, that's what she was thinking, until she heard the alert from her phone signaling a new text message.

**Hey there boys and girls, it's story time, so gather 'round those seven hundred dollar phones you used mommy and daddy's credit cards to buy and listen up. Today was an interesting day. We finally heard all the details to S's rendezvous with A.H., courtesy of the man himself. Can you say trashy? A.H. can about S… Next up on the list of events, N dismissing S and scowling at her like the gum on his shoe. I guess we know how he took the news, although I could have sworn nothing was going on between them. Hmm, maybe next time N will make sure his girl is actually his before trying to claim her…but don't worry N. I would take you over A.H. any day. And now, for the man of the weekend, A.H., you were almost in my good books, and even though I love a juicy rumor, what happens in the bedroom should not be spread through the school via loud speaker. It's up to me to spread the dirty details, especially details as dirty as what we hear S has been doing. Hope you showered well, S…**

**You know you love me,**

**XOXO**

**Gossip Girl**

Serena couldn't believe it. Okay, she could, this was Gossip Girl after all, but she had truly thought this fire would die down, not start raging. She looked at her full shot glass and downed it…So much for staying sober. She then motioned to the bartender for another, hoping to forget that this day, or the days leading up to it had, ever occurred.

It was 1:30 am when Nate heard his phone ringing. He didn't know who could possibly be up on a Monday night at this hour, but he did know he shouldn't be. Without looking at his caller id, he answered the phone, his voice groggy, "hello?" He was met with the high pitched voice of Serena "Natie! Hi! You got to come to this bar. It's like the best place I've ever been" she said, the intoxication obvious in her words. He felt the anger in him rise up, he couldn't believe she was actually calling him, inviting him out for a drink, after all that they had gone through these last couple of days. "Serena. Go home" he couldn't be completely heartless towards her no matter what, she was Serena and she was drunk. "Natie you have to come! I don't even know where home is" she said, her voice becoming sadder as she ended her sentence. He took a deep breath, preparing to speak, but was cut off, "I know you're mad at me Natie and I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean to make you mad…or sad. Sad is even worse" his eyes softened at his words; Serena always was an emotional drunk. "Where are you Serena? I'll come and bring you home, okay?" he couldn't just leave her stranded in the middle of nowhere. He listened to her ask the bartender for the address, and then as she repeated it into the phoen, with great difficulty, he wrote it down and grabbed his coat, promising her he'd be there in twenty minutes.

Nate walked into the bar. It was deserted except for a few guys hanging around the bar, surrounding someone. As he got closer, he noticed it was Serena. "Serena" he said, giving the men a look that told them to back the hell off, "let's go" she giggled and said goodbye to the guys and bartender before getting up to walk towards the door. Nate reached in his pocket and left some bills on the counter before walking out after her. They walked in silence for a long while before Serena broke the silence, a far off look in her eyes, "I always loved night time. It's so dark, and sometimes, if you're far enough away, people can't even see you. It's like you're not even there, but once people get close, they can see everything if they look hard enough. But even when it's dark out, people can still see me. They say they see my hair and my legs and my eyes, so even when I get close to 'em, they never try to see more. They don't even look for it…" she trailed off.

They were rounding the corner towards the van der Woodsen apartment now, and Nate wasn't sure how to respond to that. He always hated how philosophical she got when she was drunk…like she was thinking things they weren't even supposed to know about, yet alone wonder. He wasn't sure where she was going with this one, either. He didn't know anyone who wouldn't look at Serena, whether she wanted the attention or not. They were getting on the elevator up to her penthouse now, when Nate finally spoke. "Everyone sees you Serena. You're like the biggest thing on Gossip Girl". She looked at him, a wry smile, "s'not what I meant Natie, but it's okay" she walked into her home, high heels clanking against the tiled floor. Nate stabled her and led her to her bedroom. When they finally got there, he was placing her in her bed when she leaned forward to kiss him.

Their lips met, soft and hesitantly at first, but quickly turning more passionate. Nate took hold her hips, and leaned her back on to her bed, but as her back hit the mattress, he pulled away. "Serena" he said quietly, looking into her eyes, now wide, wondering what had happened. She leaned forward to try and capture his lips again, but he avoided her. "Serena" he said again, "what are you doing?" he couldn't have this be about her being drunk. "What do you think?"Before he never would have questioned it, but now, knowing what she had done with Andrew, barely even knowing the guy, he had to make sure. "But, why?" he asked, dread lacing his voice. "You see me, Natie" she answered, like it was the simplest thing she'd ever known and the only thing she'd been sure of, before leaning in to him once more. He kissed her back, unable to resist her any longer. He kissed down her neck and along her collarbone, trying to memorize it in case she decided this was a mistake. Her breaths turned airier as he did so, and he smiled against her skin hearing her say his name in that breathy tone. It wasn't until he began unzipping her dress and kissing down the valley of her breasts that she became extremely aware of his presence. Nate noticed this, and moved back to her face, his lips gentle against her own before he whispered to her, "we don't have to do anything. I only ever wanted _you_". He looked deep into her eyes and felt her relax against him, before smiling and continuing what he was doing.

Nate loved that his name was air on her lips, and he slid her dress down. He looked back to her face, getting lost in her blue eyes for a moment, before letting his eyes trail done her body. It wasn't until he reached her hips that he stopped his hands from moving any further. His eyes kept moving, unable to look away, and he saw that bruises not only lined her hips, but were on the inside of her thighs and along her legs as well. He was completely still. "Serena, what happened to your legs?" he asked with concern all over his face. She stiffened. "Nothing, Nate. I'm fine" she said, leaning into him again, hoping he wouldn't ask any more questions. "You are _not _fine. It looks like the lower half of your body was in a fight…and you lost. What happened?" "Nothing, Nate. I just bruise easy" he could tell she was lying. Always had been able to. He then thought about her recent inclination to long sleeves and how she wore a sweatshirt the day after…after things happened with Andrew. Serena _never _wore sweatshirts, she always complained that they were too bulky for her small frame. "Who did this, Serena? Tell me" he demanded, his jaw clenched. He had an idea, he just needed an affirmation and he would be on his way to the Harrington's place to kick Andrew's _ass_.

Serena recognized the look in his eye. It was the same one of realization that Chuck had had three nights ago. "No one did it, Nate. I told you, I bruise" she really hated this topic. She didn't want to keep reliving it, she wanted to move past it and never think of it again, why wouldn't anyone let her? She attempted a kiss once again, but Nate dodged it. "Stop avoiding the subject! What happened? Did Andrew do this to you?" if she wouldn't bring it up, then he would. Nate couldn't let her swipe this away. Serena's eyes filled with terror for a moment, the thought of Andrew and what had happened along with Nate's close proximity did nothing to increase her comfort, but then her eyes grew suspecting. She knew exactly why Nate kept avoiding her closeness, he got close and realized she wasn't what he wanted; she was damaged, dirty, just like Gossip Girl had said. "This is because of Andrew, isn't it, Nate? Does it bother you that much? I told you it wasn't about you and it meant nothing so just stop bringing it up and we can move forward just, just tell me what I have to do or say to fix it" she pleaded with him. Nate looked contemplative, before lying down next to her. "Tell me why, Serena? Why were you with him at all?"

"Ask a different question" she told him. "That's my question, my only one" he answered his voice gentle and soft. Serena turned to look in his blue eyes and laying her head on his chest before taking a deep breath. "I didn't mean to be…"

**A/N: So I'm sorry about the cliffhanger lol, but I have a lot of pre-calc homework. I really hope you all like this chapter because it is the first turning point of the story. That was my first attempt at writing anything even close to smutty, I hope it wasn't terrible. And let me know how you guys want Nate to react, I'm open to all suggestions. Please review, because they really do give me the kick I need to get these chapters out to you guys in a timely fashion, oh, and if I get a lot of reviews, the next chapter will probably be out tomorrow…cause this should totally count as my creative writing assignment for that class lol. Thanks for reading, guys **** Until next time…**

**Aryn**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the update being a day late. I have moved this story to the Serena and Nate section, though, because that is where the story is headed. The chapters are getting harder to write the further into the plot we get, so updates will probably be every other, or every two days. I want to thank every person who has read or reviewed or put me on alert because without your support I probably wouldn't be updating nearly as often as I am. Please review if you read, because I love to hear your thoughts. Enjoy **

"I didn't mean to be…" she said, her eyes drifting away and filled with regret. Nate pulls her a little closer with that statement, and pushed the hair out of her face, "what do you mean?" he just needed her to say it. Once she said it they could get past it, but not before. "it was at that party, and I was dancing and my mom had just left and my father returned my letters and ev – " but Nate cut her off, "your dad? I didn't know you guys were in contact". Her eyes darkened, he wasn't sure whether with sadness or anger or a mixture of the two, but she answered regardless, her face becoming stony, "we're not. He returned all of the letters I had sent to him. He doesn't want to know me" she saw Nate getting ready to speak, but held her pointer finger to his mouth to silence him, "but that's not what's important here.

"I was at that party, I'd gone with Chuck, and I just wanted to get away from it all. I knew I shouldn't have drank so much, and I shouldn't have even gone over to him in the first place, but, I just needed someone to _care, _to want me, and he did" her eyes became more pained as she reminisced on the night, "I wanted you Serena, I always have" Nate said, conviction dominating his voice. She shook her head at him, though, a slight smile on the corner of her pink lips, "But you're Nate, my_ Natie,_ and we're not safe. I'd ruin you, and you would hate me, and that's something I refuse to face. If I did, then I'd have absolutely no one" she looked down to her hands that she was wringing and took a deep breath. "I just wanted to forget for a little while, and Andrew was nice enough. It was my fault anyway, I shouldn't have gone into that room with him, and I knew that. I could hear Blair's voice, and see my mom's disapproving look, and I wanted to do something bad. To mess up and maybe escape all of this fake perfection we're surrounded by"

Nate cupped her face and looked deep into her eyes, "It was not your fault Serena. Stop saying that. Nothing that happened was your fault, okay?" She nodded, but he could tell she was just being agreeable. "I told him to stop, and he didn't. I just, I wasn't sure what to do so I laid there for a while, but his hands started moving lower and so I tried to pull them up. He, he didn't though. He just waved my hands away like they were gnats…" Nate listened on as she told him what happened, his body becoming more and more tense with her depiction, and he willed himself not to cry as he helplessly watched the wet tears fall from her eyes.

It was morning, and Nate had left the van der Woodsen suite early on to return to his own townhouse and get ready for school. His anger had been brewing over night, and even though Serena lay asleep, he couldn't rest. The images in his mind, they haunted him, and all he had been able to think about was how badly, and in which way he would severely injure Andrew Harrington. As he walked into the courtyard, foregoing the area of the Met steps he was sure his usual crowd would be on, he searched for his target. Andrew was easy to find; he was so obnoxious and loud, retelling his 'account' of what had happened to anyone who would listen, and as Nate heard the words he used to describe what went on, he lost any cool that he had left.

Rushing over to Andrew, Nate shoved him into the brick wall that he had stood a mere five feet in front of. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he shouted, pulling at Andrew's collar and shoving his back into the wall again. "Me? What the hell is wrong with you, man? Get the fuck off me!" Andrew yelled back, trying, and failing, to push Nate away from him. Nate punched him in his stomach, finding delight in the groan he elicited. He hit him again, "You think you can just do that to her? Huh?" Nate reared back to hit him across the face, "Serena is not li– "but he felt someone grab his hand from behind, and heard that unmistakable voice, "Nathaniel. Not here".

Nate felt himself being pulled into another corner of the courtyard by Chuck, and he couldn't believe it. He watched as people crowded around Andrew to help him and was filled with disgust. "Chuck, trust me. He had it coming" Nate said, fire in his eyes. "I know" he responded. "No, you don't, because if you did then you would've have been helping me instead of dragging me away from that bastard!" Nate yelled, angry with Chuck for interrupting. "Nate, I _do _know. I was there. I found her in that room. I know" his voice was calm. "You knew? You knew that he did that to her and you didn't even do anything? You didn't correct anyone or tell me, your _best friend_, that he raped her?"

Blair sat on the Met steps, not even half listening to what her followers were going on about today. The only time she truly tuned in was when she heard the conversation shift to Serena, and that was only so she could promptly shut it down and degrade whoever had brought up the subject in the first place. Her real purpose that morning was to scan the sidewalk for a familiar head of blond hair. When she spotted it, she turned to Penelope who wasn't even on the steps but standing next to the bottom one, "Yogurt" and held her hand out, hearing Penelope's heels clack against the stone and waiting for it to be placed into her palm. She then gathered her bag and dismissed Penelope back to her spot _not _on the steps and walked swiftly towards Serena. "S!" she called out, hoping she would slow down or stop completely – Blair Waldorf did _not _run on the streets of Manhattan like a commoner. When Serena turned in her direction, Blair received an icy stare. She picked up her pace and when she reached her, held out her hand with the full yogurt in it as a peace offering.

"I'm _sorry_ Serena" her deep brown eyes searched Serena's for anything to give away what she was thinking, but all she was met with were blue eyes filled with hurt. Serena's voice, however, sounded much firmer than she seemed to be, "Sorry for what, B, the fact that you listened to everyone else's side except for mine? Or that you believed all that crap Andrew was spewing yesterday morning? Or maybe even how you watched as Penelope, of all people, spoke to me like I was a common whore? Really, B, there's nothing to apologize for" Serena finished sarcastically and went to turn back around, but Blair caught her arm. "I've handled Penelope already, she knows her place" she pointed to where she stood next to the Met steps, "and as for the other things, I want to listen now to whatever you have to tell me and I didn't really think you had done any of those things, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it all" she pleaded with her. "You shouldn't have needed to! As soon as you heard any of the lies he was telling you should have dismissed them for the falsities that they were! The fact that you almost believed him was enough to show how little you believe in me" Serena began walking away again.

"S, I _know_." Blair called gently to her as she was walking away. She froze, and Blair noticed how rigid her body became, "you know what?" Blair walked back to her at a surprisingly fast rate for the shoes she had on her feet and when she reached her, she pulled Serena into a tight, firm hug. "I know what happened and I am _so_ sorry. I should have gone to that party with you, or not even let you go at all with all the drama with your parents, but I just…" Blair trailed off, her eyes becoming watery at the sight of tears rolling down Serena's own cheeks. "Blair that is not your fault, it's mine. I was stupid and childish and we always knew my poor judgment skills would come back to bite me in the ass one day" Serena joked, and although they both gave half-hearted laughs, they both knew it wasn't in the least bit funny.

"You know that we'll fix this right? And that I really am sorry for how I treated you yesterday? I just, I wasn't sure how to react" Blair admitted, ashamed of her behavior. Serena shook her head furiously, "you don't have to do anything. All I want for any of us to do is forget about it, okay? If you all make a big deal out of nothing, then it'll become more than it is". "S, it _is _a big deal. He can't get away with doing _that_ to you" Blair said, confused as to why Serena wouldn't make this a big deal, confused as to why she didn't even seem fazed by it. Serena shook her head again, adamantly this time, "it's not and he can. Something like this was bound to happen anyway. I just…things like this happen to me" she said, her voice sounding oddly content with such a doomed statement. Blair was about to speak on it, but her attention was caught by Nate being dragged away from a bloody Andrew by none other than Chuck. _What was going on?_ "Serena, let's go see what's up with Chuck and Nate" and they began walking in that direction.

"Nathaniel I didn't know _who_ until the blast came out, and since then I have been working on something to handle this, but you going around pounding in everyone's face is not the way to go about this" Chuck told him, voice stern.

"You're _working_ on something?" he laughed, "You're kidding me, right? You find out that that asshole touched her like that, and instead of telling me, instead of telling anyone, instead of correcting all those people out there who have been ridiculing her, you've been 'working on something'. This isn't something one of your schemes can fix, Chuck! Me, beating the hell out of him, though, that might help" Nate ranted, fuming at Chuck.

"What was I supposed to do, huh, Nathaniel? Every time anyone even mentioned her to you, you lost your fucking mind! I'm telling you that I am dealing with it, and I have been since it happened. I was there for her when she was still in that bed, crying afraid to be touched. I was there for her when you and Blair and all of Constance and St. Jude's believed everything that that dick, Andrew, said. Where the hell were you, huh?"

"I didn't even know Chuck, because you didn't tell me!"

"No, Nate! You didn't know because you wouldn't listen! You were too busy feeling sorry for yourself and making her feel like some worthless slut. So no, you will not make this my fault. With the way you've been acting towards her, you didn't deserve for me to tell you, and it really wasn't for me to say"

"It hurt! I love her,you know that I have always loved her, and so when I thought she had gone out and done all those things Andrew was talking about, I acted like a jerk, and I know that and feel terrible about it, but I was hurt" Nate finished softly

"So was she, but you didn't care, you didn't even take the time to notice, Nathaniel. So while you have just figured all this out and obviously have a hot head, I am _working _on it."

"Well work faster or I will take care of it myself, you got it, Chuck?" Nate said fiercely.

"What does Chuck have, Nate?" Blair spoke, wondering what it was that had the two best friends so at each other's throats. The tension between the two was palpable. Nate took his eyes off of Chuck and noticed Serena and Blair looking quizzically at them. With a burning glare in Chuck's direction, he walked over to Serena and placed a protective arm around her shoulder. He kissed her cheek chastely, "Nothing's going on. Come on, S, I'll walk you to class". Serena looked at them confusedly but nodded her head anyway, and let herself be led away by Nate.

"What was that, Chuck?" Blair asked, upset that he drew so much attention to their group – more than what had already been placed due to recent events. Chuck ran his hand over his face and let out a deep breath, "Nothing, Waldorf. But do you want to tell me when Nate became so violent? I know he was always more physical, using his primal assets to get what he wanted opposed to the mind, but I was a little frightened! He attacked Harrington and nearly mauled me a moment ago. Has he been hanging out in Brooklyn?" Blair laughed at Chuck's very serious question and looked in the direction the two blondes had walked off in, "I don't think so. It's just, it's _Serena_, you know?" Oddly enough, those words made all the sense in the world to the scheming pair.

**A/N: Hey, so I hope you all liked the chapter. It was a tough one to get out. Please leave a review; it only takes two seconds. Also, this story is so not set in stone, so PM me any suggestions or ideas you have for the direction of the story, I'll take them all into consideration. I hope you guys enjoyed reading. Next update should be Monday or Tuesday, but it might be tomorrow if I get a good number of reviews. Until next time…**

**Aryn**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Gossip Girl.

**A/N: Hey everyone! Remember me and this story? Sorry it took so long to get it out, but I hit a massive writer's block on this one and then a few other story ideas came into my head. Anywho, thanks to everyone who is still interested in this story and special thanks to my reviewers because ATRW probably wouldn't have been updated had you guys not continued to review and show interest, so thanks a lot. I've made you guys wait long enough for this one, so I'll stop babbling, lol. Leave a comment to know what you think after you're done please. Enjoy!**

As Nate lead Serena away from Chuck and Blair he wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulder and leaned down to peck her cheek. They walked in a contented silence, quickly reaching Serena's class. She pulled away to enter the room, when Nate tugged her arm a bit to get her to stop moving. She froze for a moment, before turning back to him. "Yeah, Nate?" he looked deep into her eyes with the corners of his mouth upturned into a half smile, "Let's go out tonight, S". He couldn't believe he finally had this girl; a girl that he had wanted since he was four years old and she had played all the games with the boys in the park, dragging along an annoyed and complaining brunette. He had her now, though, and he wasn't going to let that go; he just hoped she wouldn't pull away.

Serena's thoughts shifted to her usual 'going out' and what that meant – parties, alcohol, and guys. At first she had the strongest urge to shake her head back and forth 'no' until she remembered this would be with Nate. He was the best guy she knew, and she also knew she had to stop letting every little thing scare her; she was stronger than that. She looked up at him and could see the anxiousness on his face and was saying yes before she even knew it. His face lit up and before he took off, he said great and that he'd pick her up from her apartment around seven thirty. She was glad she'd been able to keep things with Nate smooth after the night they had had, now she just hoped the rest of her day would be as easy.

"So are you gonna tell me what was going on when Serena and I showed up, or what?" Blair asked, unable to keep her indifferent façade in place; it was killing her not to know. "Blair, it was just a misunderstanding. We know how Nathaniel gets about Serena" Chuck waved his hand dismissively. Blair tugged at his arm and stopped walking,

"I don't think you understand my question, Bass. What did _you _do to him?"

Chuck groaned. "Blair I didn't do _anything._ I protected Serena's secret from getting out. That's all"

"How did you do that and why on Earth would Nate be ready to gouge your eyes out if that's all that happened?"

Chuck ran his hand through his hair, "You know that Nate is easily blinded by shiny things. You and I, we understand each other's ways better. We find out about what happened, and while both furious we're able to keep our heads cool and keep up appearances. Nate finds out and he acts like a wild animal let out of his cage! His first thought was to pound into Andrew, and I had to pull him away before he destroyed the plan of attack I've been working on" he finished, letting out a long breath. With everything that was going on lately, he just did not have the patience to explain himself and his actions to everyone he came across – he got enough of that from Bart.

Blair stood in silence for a minute, unsure exactly how to respond to that. The truth was that she had no protests, even if Serena did, in Nate's pummeling Andrew. What he did was repulsive and he didn't deserve to get away with it. She also didn't really know the finer points of whatever strategy Chuck had been working on. She always gave him the benefit of the doubt, though, and she was sure whatever it was he had planned would turn out well, so she nodded in agreement and extended her arm to Chuck so that he could walk her to class.

"Serena!" Blair called out to her blonde counterpart. She saw her walking quickly past their usual lunch spot and was unsure what was going on. She was obviously upset by something, but Blair didn't know what. She gathered her things quickly, not bothering to make an excuse to her minions. They were lowly anyway and had recently been getting on her nerves – they weren't even discreet about spreading their Serena gossip, and she was biding her time until she could figure out a proper punishment for them disregarding her command – so she left them, probably allowing even more rumors to be made. She walked down the hallway quickly, not wanting to fall too much behind Serena. When she finally spotted the blonde again, she called out to her.

"S! Where are you going?" Serena turned around, eyes with just a hint of pink in them. The blonde really hoped Blair couldn't tell she'd been crying. "It's nothing, B. Just want to go home now" she shrugged her shoulders, hoping it would come across as careless. Blair studied her for a moment, not buying her indifference. She also knew not to push her; she didn't want her to pull away and be lost to them all. "Okay," Blair spoke hesitantly, "I'll see you later, then?" the blonde nodded in affirmation, "And you'll call if anything is wrong or if you need to talk?" the blonde, a bit less convincingly this time, nodded her head once more. Blair nodded hers too, giving her permission, although she was sure Serena didn't need it, to go. As she walked back into the courtyard, what she didn't like was seeing Andrew walk off in the same direction that Serena had. Something was going on, and she'd be damned if she didn't find out.

She walked over to Chuck and quickly told him what was happening and what she planned to do, and he easily agreed to come along. They followed Andrew to his own apartment complex and, with a quick bribe to the doorman, figured out which suite number and floor was his. What they didn't expect to see when the elevator doors opened was Serena already waiting in his foyer, and Andrew running a hand down her side. Blair could see her visibly cringe, and she had to put a hand over her mouth to cover her gasp. Chuck, on the other hand, was sick of playing the calm and collected guy, especially when this dude got under his skin like not many were able to. He rushed off the elevator in their direction, Blair following behind him. "What the _hell _are you doing you fucking _creep_?" he yelled at Andrew. Both Andrew and Serena were startled by the appearance of the two brunettes, but Andrew found his voice first.

"I'm just having a little fun. I can't be held accountable if that includes your friend here, in fact, she's been more than willing to assist in my, pleasure" he spoke, placing a hand on Serena's thigh and moving it higher and higher. Blair could sense Serena's uncomfortable posture and she had to wonder why Serena had even come here, and why she wouldn't move out of Andrew's grasp now. She was visibly stiffening with every second, but she remained rigidly still. "You're a pig and a bastard, _Andy_," she mocked him with the nickname he'd always hated. Then she shifted her eyes to meet Serena's, "let's go, S" she held out her hand, but when Serena didn't reach out to take it, she lowered it and shared a look with Chuck who was standing a few feet behind her wearing the same perplexed look on his face as Blair was.

Blair noticed Andrews grip tighten a little on her leg, and finally Serena spoke up, "I'm, uh, I'm gonna stay, B, okay?" she asked with an obvious tremor in her voice. Blair opened her mouth but Chuck cut in first, "You're going to _stay?_ How _stupid _are you Serena? You can't keep living in this little world where everything is fine and that this jackass didn't do anything wrong to you because he did, and I don't doubt that he would do it again if he was left alone with you". Serena blinked back a few tears, before speaking with what she hoped sounded decisive, "I'm not being stupid, Chuck. I know what I'm doing" she spoke, but her eyes shifted to the ground as she neared the end of her sentence. "Serena you can't honestly think that – "Chuck cut Blair's sentence off, though. "Stop talking to her like she's a child, stop sugar-coating this, Blair! What you're doing, Serena, right now is _stupid. _The first time was not your fault, but you're here willingly, right now, and that just doesn't make any sense, Serena. You're not _thinking_ and it's not safe to be around him because he raped you in a house full of people and there is absolutely nothing stopping him from doing the same thing again in his empty suite.

"Blair and I are trying to _protect _you, so just let this go and come with us. Now" his words were firm and left little room for negotiation, but Serena's mind was set. She sniffled, and held back a sob in her throat before she looked to Blair and then Chuck, "I, I have to – I need to stay. I, you guys don't get it but this is the only way for me to, for things to just not change. I'm, I have to stay to protect myself and my family and you guys, so just, just go. _Please." _She had a lone tear making its way down her cheek but she didn't move to wipe it away. Chuck didn't know what she was talking about, but he also knew that she wasn't going to come with them. He couldn't regulate her life no matter how much he wanted to, so he held a hand out to Blair who was just as confused as he, and they made their way to the elevator. He turned back to see Andrew press his lips to Serena's neck and to see her shiver at its feel. Then he felt his own stomach turn.

As soon as Serena heard the elevator doors shut, she let the tears that had been begging to escape fall freely from her eyes. She thought back to earlier in the day when things seemed to be going so well, before she had run into Andrew.

_She'd been on a high since her earlier conversation with Nate, but that was all forgotten when she saw the one person she'd tried ridiculously hard to not run into, especially not one-on-one. Andrew made his way towards her, and as she looked from left to right hoping to see someone, _anyone,_ that she knew, she was disappointed yet again. "You know how they say two can't keep a secret?" Andrew asked her with a smirk on his face, "Well they're right. It seems like I didn't keep our little, night, together a secret, and you didn't keep your mouth shut to anyone about what you'd like to think happened. I now have a black eye because your friend or boyfriend or whatever the hell Nate is, decided to attack me in front of the entire school." He began to circle around her, like a shark surrounding its prey. "I don't like feeling threatened, S, but I was. Now I'm going to have to return the favor" he opened his bag to reveal a tape, "take a wild guess as to what's on this" Serena looked confused so he leaned over to whisper in her ear, his breath against her neck making her cringe, "I'll give you a hint. We're both on it. It's from a Friday night, and you didn't know this was being taped" he smiled devilishly and moved to stand in front of her to gauge her reaction._

_Serena's eyes widened. He couldn't have, he wouldn't have, "You're lying" she spoke secure in her knowledge. Andrew shrugged, "Whatever you say. I guess you'll know I'm not when this falls into, well, anyone's hands really" he laughed. "Why would you leak that? It would destroy both of us. You wouldn't, because everyone would know what you are" Serena was so sick of him popping up. This was something she could fight. She had to be able to fight it. Andrew moved closer so he was mere inches away from her face, "and what is that, sweetheart?" his hot breath was blown onto her face with his words and she winced at his proximity. "You know what you are. I said no, and if you play any part of that night, everyone would be able to see it" she thought she had won, but looking up at him, she saw the smile that was spreading across his face. "Do you think I'm stupid, Serena? There was no mic, there was no sound. All it looks like is a guy, being me, but my face isn't all that noticeable, I could easily be mistaken for someone else since, ya know, sex tapes ruin people" he spoke in mock horror, "and then there's you. Easily seen, easily made out, and no one would ever mistake Serena van der Woodsen. And all it looks like is you like it rough and I'm _really _good, with the way your mouth is obviously forming words and the scratching and biting. Kinky, S" he said, mocking her nickname._

_Her bottom lip trembled. He was right. If that ever got out, she'd never be able to come back from it. Not with Blair or Chuck or her mother or Eric or CeCe or Nate, especially not with Nate. "What do you want" she spoke through clenched teeth. He looked pointedly at her, as if the answer was obvious, "You, again and again, until I'm bored. And this time, don't be so violent. Those scratches still haven't gone away" he walked past her and slipped a piece of paper into her hand before continuing on hi way back to class. She looked down at what was written on the sheet. His address and a time donned it as well as a warning to not be late. Serena quickly made her way to a bathroom to fix her make-up and hair before returning to her class, too. She could _never _let that tape get out. _

Serena was drawn out of her memory by Andrew's hand tugging at her underwear. He roughly slid his hands up and down her body and over her breasts and she was reminded just how wrong this was. She was reminded how this felt nothing like how it should have, the way it did with Nate the night before. He may never forgive her for this, but she knew it would be less painful for everyone she cared about to never know about that tape and to just forget about all of this. She was doing this to protect the people she cared about most from witnessing the hurt that she had experienced, and she would put her own pain aside to make sure they never had to share that with her. This was the mantra that played in her head as she felt Andrew's lips brush toughly against her collarbone, sure to leave a bruise, as he entered her. 

**A/N: So this was the chapter. Extremely hard to write, I honestly didn't know where I was going with it until a few days ago. Please let me know you guys are still reading and I hope you enjoyed it. I did say things would get worse before they could improve. I'm not too pleased with this one so let me know what you guys think cause had it not been for a few messages and reviews I would not have known anyone was waiting for an update to this, so the reviews you leave, even if it's just a few words, really do encourage me to write. I hope you enjoyed. Until next time…**

**Aryn**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or anything related to it.**

**A/N: Hey all, I'm back and school is OUT! For the win! Anywho, since I've made you all wait so long for this update, I wont ramble too much, lol. I didn't proof this one, because I wanted to get it up to you as quickly as possible, so I'm sorry for any mistakes in my writing. Here's the next chapter. Let me know what you think about it by leaving me a nice little note in a review . Thanks for reading. Enjoy!**

Blair Waldorf walked into her suite late that night, after spending the rest of her afternoon with Chuck. She was still so confused as to _why _Serena would stay there with Andrew – even went there with Andrew – especially when she and Chuck had been right there, waiting, willing, and dying to just take her away from that apartment and that sick pervert. She could still remember the look on Serena's face as she they exited the apartment. It was a mixture of, _thank God_ relief, and _what was I thinking, what am I doing _regret. Blair didn't understand, and it wasn't something she was used to.

All throughout her life, from childhood to now, she had made it a point to just _know. _She knew what she was going to wear to school the night before. She knew what her goals were. She knew which classes she would take and which teachers she could intimidate. She knew that Isabel had an intense fear of being separated from a group, and that Hazel was embarrassed by snide and witty comments that she didn't understand immediately. She knew things, and she could plan accordingly. She always wore a matching headband, and recently had even started accessorizing to match Chuck. She was focused on her future and knew that she was going to Yale, just like her father. She had read through the course books before starting her AP classes in the fall, and had given glares that could scare anyone into submission on the first day of school to the easily influenced teachers, and dazzling smiles to the teachers that liked to think they weren't so easily influenced.

That is why this version Serena was really throwing her off. She didn't know what she was thinking or why she was acting the way that she was, but more importantly, she didn't know how to get Serena to open up and _tell her _any of the things that she didn't know. She couldn't prepare or react accordingly, and it was driving her crazy and filling her with absolute worry. There was a part of her, the part that followed the rules (wearing the Constance uniform completely to code, pushing her dessert away when her mother asked about her weight, getting straight A's) that desperately wanted to tell _someone. _The Upper East Sider in her, however, knew that that was completely out of the question, as it seemed that Serena did, too. The scandal, the rumors, the gossip would do more harm than help, and there was no proof – just the flirtatious, party girl's word against the swim team's captain, honor roll boy's. These thoughts disappeared from her mind as she finally noticed the blonde that was sitting on her bed, tears sparkling in her eyes and threatening to fall at any moment.

Blair rushed quickly over to her, dropping her bag as she went, and tilted the blonde's face up and in her direction so that she was looking directly into the shimmering blue orbs of her best friend.

Serena sniffled, "Hey, B" and the sound of her voice nearly broke Blair's heart. She was close to throwing out every rule she'd ever known of handling conflict in the 'civilized way'; she knew that Serena needed help. Not people around her who questioned her every move and all of her words, she needed someone who would tell her what to do and lead her through it. Blair just wasn't sure where that type of help came from. Instead, she pulled the blonde into her arms and listened to her as she tried, without success, to stifle her cries. Blair wasn't sure what to do. She didn't understand why Serena had stayed, but she also knew that it wasn't something she had wanted to do, regardless of her decision to. The brunette ran her hands through Serena's long, wavy hair, and waited patiently as she let her sobs out. She thought back on her conversation with Chuck earlier.

"_What is she __**doing?" **__she yelled at Chuck as they reentered the elevator. She ran her fingers through her immaculately crafted hair and fought the urge to scream out in frustration. She looked over at Chuck; he looked as calm and collected as he always was, as if nothing was wrong. She couldn't understand how he was so well-put together, how he wasn't losing his mind at the same rate that she was. "Would you stop that!" she didn't mean to explode at Chuck, but she was sick of him acting like this didn't __**matter.**_

_He looked at her baffle; all he had been doing was standing in his respective corner of the elevator, albeit watching Blair have a small breakdown. "I can assure you Waldorf, I haven't done anything" he responded, a small smirk forming on his lips. It was quickly wiped off of his face, though, when he saw a flash of rage shoot through Blair's eyes. "Exactly!" she shouted at him, "Serena is __**breaking**__. She's crumbling right before our eyes and the pieces are crashing to the ground, and you aren't doing __**anything. **__You keep talking about this 'plan' you have, and how everything is going to work out. You look down on Nate when he tries to confront Andrew, and talk about how he just doesn't get it, but no one does! You talk about how you're 'Chuck Bass' and of the connections and power your name brings you, but you haven't done a thing to help Serena" she took a deep breath, waiting for him to respond._

_ He narrowed his eyes at her. She just didn't get what he was trying to do. He had spoken to Bart earlier in the day to set his plan in motion, but it would take time, and if anyone found out about it then all of his work would be ruined. "I am working on it, Blair" he spit at her through gritted teeth. He wasn't expecting her to yell back at him, though._

"_Then work __**faster! **__Did you see her in there? She's not herself, and she hasn't been since all of this happened. When was the last time you saw her smile, or heard her laugh? And not that fake smile, or the slightly blissed out one that she wears to keep Nate happy and unsuspecting, but the type she used to wear? The ones that could light up a room? What about her laugh? It used to be so free and airy and light and just utterly _Serena, _but since this happened, I don't think I've heard her laugh once, not even so much as a giggle. I just, I want you to, I need you to, just, just help me __**fix **__her, Chuck" her words softened at the end, as Chuck guided her into his arms and embraced her. They placed pristine, society smiles back on their faces as they exited the building, but one thought remained on both of their minds as they walked towards The Palace, 'what if we can't'. _

She was broken out of her reverie when Serena called her name for a second time. "B" she heard. She noticed that Serena's voice was less choked now, indicating that maybe her crying was over. Blair had to figure out what was going on with the blonde in front of her. "S, what…what happened?" she asked hesitantly, not wanting to push the girl back into overload. Serena's eyes widened a little, but other than that she kept her composure. "I, um, I just had to do something, and…yeah, that's, that's it" even as she fumbled through her words she knew they didn't sound anymore convincing to the brunette sitting across from her than to her own ears. She was glad, nonetheless, when it she saw a hint of acceptance in Blair's eyes, but that was shattered with her next question. "What did you have to do?"

Blair cringed a little, even as she asked the question. She had a feeling that, even though she needed to know what had gone on, that she didn't actually _want _to know. It couldn't have been good simply because it was Andrew and Serena had been crying as soon as she walked through the door to her bedroom. She steeled herself anyway, though, vowing silently to be impartial and on her friend's side no matter what had happened.

Serena took a deep breath, unsure how to really start, but with the comforting squeeze that Blair gave her hand, she pressed forward. "I, he, I don't know. He…today at school, he said he had a tape. He, he _made _a tape. He said, he said he didn't like the way Nate had atta" she cleared her throat before continuing, "attacked him. I, I had to go so I, so he wouldn't let it get out because I, if people _saw _that, if my mother, or CeCe or Nate, I just couldn't, I had to stop him from doing that, Blair. I _had _to" she had so much more to say but she wasn't sure how to phrase it, so she just hoped that Blair would be able to pick up on what had happened from what she had said already.

Blair didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't even want to. Andrew was worse than terrible. He was disgusting and slimy and just, just, ugh! She didn't even know what words to use to describe him – it was like none were bad enough.

"Serena," she swallowed slowly as the blonde looked at her expectantly, "maybe you should, tell someone about…this, and just, what's going on" she trailed off awkwardly, not really knowing what affect her words would have on the girl in her arms. She found it wasn't a positive one, though, quickly, when Serena began to shake her head from side to side rapidly. Her eyes widened as she opened her mouth to speak "I can't. I can't be _that_ girl, Blair! I can't be the one who this happened to, it wasn't supposed to and I'm already such a letdown to my mom and Eric and you and Nate and Chuck. My own father doesn't even _want_ me, Blair" she looked down awkwardly, "I can't mess up even more, I can't give people more fuel or another mistake to add to my list of many. I can't continue to be this, this screw up" the tears were starting to form again, and the only way Serena knew to suppress them was to stop talking, so that's what she did.

Blair took a moment to digest what she had just heard. She had never even known how much Serena was hurt by not living up to the expectations that were set for her. Blair herself knew what it felt like to try so hard to be perfect and to just _get it right_, but she'd always thought that Serena just floated through life, seemingly unaffected and unconcerned with the standards that society set for them. She had both admired and loathed the care-free way it seemed that Serena approached life with; she never would have guessed that _Serena van der Woodsen _of all people felt unworthy or inadequate. She took the blonde's face gently in her hands, pulling it just enough so that she was looking into her shimmering blue eyes.

"S, anything that _anyone _thinks of you doesn't matter. You're not a disaster and this is _not _your fault, and I'm going to keep telling you until you believe it. Your mom going off all the time is because _she _has issues with intimacy and lacks basic maternal skills. Chuck and I, we, we don't, we say that you mess things up sometimes, but we don't _mean _it. And as for your father, him not being here is because he is _selfish, _and nothing you could do or not do would change the fact that he was too weak of a man to stay with his family. You can't keep blaming yourself for what other people have done. Your mother chooses to be consumed with her social life. Your father chose to walk out on your family. Andrew chose to force himself on you, and _none _of those things are any reflection of you nor did they result from anything that you did. Just believe me, Serena. Trust me when I tell you that" she was nearly pleading with the blonde now.

The room was quiet for minutes, and Blair thought that Serena may have finally worn herself out and cried herself to sleep. It wasn't until she heard the small voice, the voice she had once heard ask why her daddy didn't stay 'like Blair's' to her mother, break through the silence.

"If it's not my fault, then, just, why does it _feel _so much like it is?"

**a/n: I know it's been forever, but, today I took my last exam for the school year, and I came home and wrote this. Expect more frequent updates on this story! I hope you all liked it, and leave a review please, because I like to know how you all feel about where the story is going so that I know how to structure what I write next. Until next time…**

**Aryn**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**A/N: Hey guys. I've actually had this chapter written since a few days after my last update, but I wanted to wait and let everyone catch up on chapter 9. I had originally planned to post a week and a half after chapter 9, but then I realized I had gotten a whopping ONE REVIEW on the last chapter, and honestly, I was a bit miffed (Special thanks, however, to BikerChick101, had it not been for her lone review, who knows if I'd ever have posted this next chapter). Now I'm not sure if people didn't like the last chapter or just didn't review, both of which lead me to question my writing. REVIEW please. It really lets me know whether or not continuing is necessary, and after the reception the last chapter got, I'm not really sure if this story is worth continuing in the opinions of my readers or not. Now that I'm done ranting, I here is the next chapter. Enjoy. Oh yeah, in this story, just think that Lily and Bart's relationship started around this time, still in secret like it did on the show, but just earlier in their high school years.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or anything related to the series or its characters.**

Chuck Bass stood outside of his father's study as he had many times before. His nerves were eating away at him as they always did before he had to have a conversation with Bart. The older Bass had a way of bringing out the insecurities in his teenaged son and easily got under his skin with a few carefully placed 'suggestions' or 'pieces of advice'. Chuck mindlessly fidgeted with his suit jacket and tie; he had been careful to avoid any flamboyant or showy colors today and instead stick to basic and business acceptable colors, knowing that he would have to speak with his dad. He took a long, deep breath before knocking on his father's door. When he heard Bart give the okay, he gingerly made his way in but made sure to remain close enough to the door, just in case he wasn't welcome.

Bart Bass closely inspected his son, noticing that he at least wasn't wearing one of those ridiculous colored suits. He was beginning to lose his patience, though, when the boy lurked near the door to his study instead of just coming in. "Are you going to stand awkwardly all night, or did you actually have something to say?" he snapped.

Chuck cleared his throat and nodded, "uh, yes, sir, I needed to speak with you about something involving business" he said, hoping he sounded confident enough while subtly wiping his sweating palms against his pants. He approached Bart's desk as the older man gestured for him to take a seat. His father eyed him apprehensively before speaking again, "Well, what is it?"

Chuck was glad to be at this point in the conversation. This was the part of the discussion that he was prepared for, that he could handle. He knew exactly what his plan was and exactly what he wanted to say about it, as well as what it should reveal. "I know that Bass Industries doesn't normally mix business with personal affairs, but I know that you have been involved with Lily van der Woodsen, and well, I assume you care about her" he trailed off, but quickly recovered. "Anyway, this has to do with Serena…she was raped" he knew that he hadn't exactly eased himself into this story, nor given proper preparation time to his father, but he hoped that by catching him off guard, he would be less likely to react in a cold, more business-like manner.

Bart wasn't sure what to say. He was certain, though, that he had not been expecting that. Everyone knew that out of his son's group of four, Chuck and Serena were the…least reserved. He was well aware that they seemed to be the ones to stay out the latest and to be the more scandalous teens, but regardless he didn't think something like this would happen. "I" he cleared his throat, still at a slight loss of words, "I'm sorry to hear that, son" he awkwardly patted Chuck on his shoulder in what he hoped would be a comforting gesture. After a few awkward moments of silence, it registered in his mind that Chuck wouldn't normally tell him this; Chuck didn't normally tell him anything. "While that is very disheartening to hear, I'm not sure what this has to do with Bass Industries".

Chuck had been waiting for this question, biding his time until it was asked. Now that it had been, he smiled inwardly, before responding to his father, "Not so much as what, but who. I happen to know that we've been competing with V.H. Enterprises for quite some time now, and that V.H. happens to stand for Vincent Harrington. This Harrington is the father of Andrew Harrington: captain of the swim team, involved in class council, honor roll student, and rapist." He met his father's eye then, and nodded in response to his questioning glance.

Nate had been to the van der Woodsen apartment late last night and waited for Serena to return. She had missed their date and hadn't even called, nor had she answered her phone when he tried to reach her. He was hoping everything was okay, but the nagging feeling in his gut told him that whatever was going on now was probably a connected to the message that Gossip Girl sent out and why all of his best friends had been nowhere to be found since lunch. He was worried. Serena had always been flaky, but usually her flakiness was at least covered by an even more shaky excuse. He couldn't ever remember a time when Serena had just stood him up. In fact, he didn't know of a time when Serena stood anyone up – she wasn't the type of person to do that. Blair, now she did that to people regularly, she said it reminded them exactly why they were lower than her, 'because they actually waited for her to show, and she would have left had they not been early'. Yeah, Blair had no qualms messing with people's minds like that, but Serena did.

As he left the van der Woodsen residence and in the direction of Blair's house he was left with the unnerving question of 'what happened'. Since Serena's, situation, had occurred it was like he just couldn't stop worrying about her. He worried if she was getting enough sleep or if she was doing more damage by not really talking about things. He worried if she thought everything was her fault and about what she may do to herself when he or Chuck or Blair wasn't around to help her. More than anything, he worried that something like this, or something worse, would happen again. He arrived fairly quickly, glad that the two girls lived so close to one another.

After passing through the front door and a quick wave of his hand at the doorman, he made his way to the elevator and up to Blair's floor. Not bothering to knock, (seeing as it was late and Dorota would probably be asleep for the night already), Nate went up the familiar staircase two steps at a time and then rounded the corner to Blair's room. He was momentarily relieved when he saw the head of long blonde hair that he couldn't ever miss in the room, but that relief was short-lived because soon after he heard the heart-breaking sobs of the girl he loved, followed by the consoling words by one of his best friends.

"What's going on?" he decided to finally make himself known. Blair jumped a little at his voice but quickly regained her composure. Serena, however, at the sound of his familiar voice, seemed to break down even more. Blair's attention was immediately pulled from him and refocused solely on the girl in her arms once more. Nate was baffled. He didn't understand what had _changed _so much in the past 24 hours to send his girl back into a crying mess. "Serena, what's wrong? What happened?" She was the picture of beauty and brokenness intertwined when her blue eyes raised to meet his matching and confused pair.

"I am _so sorry"_.

**I had about double of this length originally written, but I didn't want to put the entire chapter out today, I'd rather see how it is received by you guys. Once again, it was really sad to only get one review on this, even though that was TRULY APPRECIATED, and so I need to know from the readers that you want to see this story continued or not. Leave a review, cause at this point, I'm unsure whether this will be continued because of the lack of interest it seems to get. Thanks for reading, and any thoughts, like, love, loathe, they're all appreciated. I hope there's a next time, but it's up to you guys…**

**Aryn**__


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